I was using what used to be SB’s pc as all the music is on it. To save me going back and forth computers, I decided to visit youtube, so I opened up google chrome by accident from the start menu instead of firefox and as I was typing in youtube into the address bar, I accidently typed “youp” and what did it bring up? youporn browser history. So of course I clicked it, and it brought up teen porn.

Now I know the girls in these movies are legal, but it’s the fact the girls looked younger than 16 really pissed me off. So when I joked and laughed about the fact on my facebook wall that he liked barely legal girls, simply meaning girls in the range of 18-23 (way younger than me that is - I’m 29), I was shocked to discover he liked them to look younger than that!

And there I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he chose women/females younger than himself because he himself has the same if not, younger emotional  maturity.

And to make matters worse, there was also history on the cheaper PC that he used before that one, which he gave to my daughter, which had youporn links to goth and emo girls and mother and daughter scenarios!!!

Well I’m feeling sick to my stomach.

I wonder what YOU would find if you had a look through his history?

…for that little message of hate saying I’m harrassing someone, although I’ve not even messaged them….

That’s what you get for googling my handle :)

When I figured out my facebook settings were set to friends of friends not friends only, I realised that it would be more probable that the li’l nosey parker of a snoot reading my wall was indeed his new “Lady”, as I did not realise she was a member of the same facebook page that I was accused of writing things on, when they were written on my wall instead. But when I checked, she had a few friends in common…

Well, if you’re going to play with fire, you are going to get burned.

Simple as.

It makes me laugh. Believing venom said by someone who is obviously still seething. His problems are now yours. Enjoy the temper tantrums thrown by a grown man. They are now your burden. Enjoy the jealousy, the critisism, the anger, The “woe is me” plea, the “all women treated me like shit (because I’m an actual twat)”, the narcissism… dear gods, the narcissism!

The little girl said…

“IT MAKES ME SQUIRM WITH LAUGHTER

When I see you disapprove of our relationship.  

I mean, your life is fantastic!

3 children by 3 different fathers!

Dead end job!

Lack of personal hygiene!

And a general BITCH.

Get a life love, and let us live ours.

Ta!”

Line one:
Hold on, surely you must mean scream with laughter? Or squeal? Squirming normally means you’re feeling uncomfortable. Freudian slip, perhaps? Hell, Squirm all you want, Love, because one day, you will realise I was actually right and that I was just trying to save one of his future victims.

Line two:
There is a proven mathmatical equation to determine whether the age gap between you and your partner is too great. Divide the older of the couple’s age by 2 and add 7. If the younger partner’s age is below this figure, then that is too young. 33 divided by two = 16 1/2, + 7 = 23 1/2. 
You are 20. Go on - renounce maths!

Line three:
My life simply is fantastic! I now have a man who has never once cried to me about his failings to get my sympathy, or made me cry, or when I do so, called me names and declare that I’m a moody teenager.
My new man has never lashed out at me, spoken to me in anger, or hurt me, physically or emotionally.
My new man has never thrown something at me (or insisted it was just thrown in my general direction not at me) to instill a fearful response from me, or spat in my face.
My new man has never broken up with me briefly just to bed a foreign redhead (your man has a thing for them) only to not be able to overcome my powers of persuasion and seduction so he eventually picked me instead of her.
My new man has never belittled my children because he has failed as a father to his biological kids.
My new man has NEVER physically punished my eldest daughter by hitting her on the back, or arms, or legs, then covered her mouth not letting her scream.
My new man has never wanted my children call him dad so he feels he has more control over them.
My new man has never twisted my words or censored me so he could use what I have said in the past against me.
My new man has never been arrested.
My new man does not have control issues.
My new man calls me his Goddess. We are absolutely besotted with each other. He is the most genuine person I have ever met.
Your new.. erm…  man (lol), however, failed me. But worse than that, failed my children for doing all of the above. My eldest daughter called him Daddy for four years and all she got back was that she was ugly, stupid and retarded. Great parenting, Dad!

Line four:
”Three kids by three different fathers” - Yup. Although I haven’t given birth yet, you fanny. I left the other two men - if you can call them that - as they were selfish tits.

To one, I was the trophy wife, quite out of his league. He’s been addicted to socialising and alcohol since 1991, and me being nine years his junior naively thought that if he loved me, he would stop. He didn’t; and did not care that he barely saw his daughter. Except when I moved away.

The other one has been addicted to chatrooms, porn and voyeurism, texting strangers, and telling girls he’d just met that he was in love with them so he could get naked pictures off them since circa 2001.

But, for all their failings, your new man was worse than the both of them! Why? Because neither of my other ex’s physically hurt me. Your new man physically and emotionally abused not only me, but my eldest daughter too. He’s even hit my youngest daughter. I’ve never hit my youngest daughter! The stuff my daughter told me he did when I wasn’t in the house was heartbreaking.

Tell you what - If you’re ever unfortunate enough to suffer a miscarriage to him (like I have - twice), don’t let him persuade you to travel into town to meet him after work, making you walk around town with him to buy some ritual equipment. Don’t let him mess you about with a pregnancy, telling you he’ll support your decision comewhatmay, only to persuade you to have an abortion, causing so much anxiety that you miscarry the baby anyway.

So please, don’t you dare judge me on my choices of looking for a better life for my children! Really, for you’re barely out of school yourself!

Line five:
Dead end job? At least I’m working! I suppose you’re buying him things too, like I felt I had to. It was the only way I could stop his tantrums and self-pitying moods. I should have laid down the law and forced him to get a job or chuck him out because he was draining my resources. The leech. He had a job when I first met him…. He wrote a resignation letter, he was thinking about handing it in and left it at work instead of keeping it somewhere else. *facepalm* He also persuaded me to let him move in with me as he would be homeless very soon after we met. He cant hold a job down for more than a few months. I’ve been working since 2007! - Oh, you were in 5th year back then.

Line six:
”Lack of hygiene” - Come back to me with this one when you understand the psychological workings of depression. You really don’t want to do much at all - But, I was working. Just because I didn’t bathe everyday in a bath and I have no shower, does not mean I didn’t wash! Here’s a tip you may not have discovered - the sink holds water too! ;)  Oh, and enjoy his lovely habit of snot-eating. Delicious.

Like I said, get to know me and try walking in my shoes before you judge me. Better yet, have a lovely chat with his ex wife for some home truths. He demonised her, like he has done to me. Why? because we know the real him, not the persona he puts on show for everyone that even he himself believes to be true.

Something else. I have never called him out, by name, on an open, public forum like he did to me. Proves my point as to who is more mature.

Line seven:
And you think I’m a bitch? Honey, you truly have no idea. Uncover the truth about him yourself. You’ll thank me.

Oh, before I forget, your new man hates me because he knows I’m in the right. He knows he’s treated me like shit from the beginning. And he hates the fact that when I speak the honest truth that it causes him to rage. He really needs to take control of that. One day, he may even endanger someone’s life during a rage-fit.

I never said my life was perfect, but I am enjoying it so much more now he isn’t here, treating me like I was less than human. And when he realises how much pain he has caused me, he’ll learn that I’m just in my actions.

The real reason he deletes his “friends” who have a connection to me? Because they took my side after seeing what he is like for themselves.

Line eight:
Good luck - You are REALLY going need it!

*Waves Excitedly!!!*

Do you like the can of worms you’ve opened up? Messing with a bard who not only has a touch of a viking skald’s blood running through her veins, but is way more informed than yourself, is very brave of you. By the way, I would always take whatever he says with a pinch of salt. He can’t always keep track of his “tales”.

Please gods, don’t let this be real!

http://t.co/dJ1QixK​1/03/wtf-ukraine-baby-yoga/​

Oh. My. Gods.

Seriously.

Get some initiative and create something uniquely yours!

Looks like a retarded squirrel has hacked your account, love!!!!

…when people think they know better than me on certain subject, when I clearly know way more than they do. It’s almost as if I know too much.

Well, the truth is indeed out, now to wait for the inevitable fight - which will happen, if you haven’t had a bust up already. Then, I can truly free someone. If only you realise I’m doing it for your own good!

You deserve someone BETTER, he doesn’t deserve a thing. He throws away families and blames it on his aspergers. He throws away people, disgards them like shitty tissue. And only the people who knows him best, realise this.

You think the people he calls his friends know this? Oh no, he would NEVER show his true face to the people he is trying to impress.

Oh, he’ll tell stories of running away from school, making up elaborate lies, how he was kicked shit into at 18 and swears he turned into a werewolf to frightened his attackers, how he was going to jump of a bridge and recieved his “name”, his protesting days, how his ex wife won’t let him see his kids (for good reason, I was told), how every woman he’s been with treated him like shit, etc., then there was how I’ve hurt him…

Whoa, lets back track a wee bit here as there is a timeline thing.

Ok, I was living up north Scotland, not too happily I will admit, with a partner and two kids. I met him online. It was June 2006 I think, and he’d just broken up with someone he’d been with for a year. Someone’d who introduced him to the firey stuff. I, on the other hand, was in the process of moving out of my situation via Women’s Aid.

In the July 2006, while he was going with one of his flatmates, he was deleting every single soppy comment he ever made to his ex girlfriend on the forum we met on. I was perplexed by this, so I messaged him asking him if he ever wanted to talk, I’d be there. He stopped seeing his flatmate because of me, apparently. Things grew between us, then, in the August, I moved down to be with him. Yes, I also fell quite hard - it took me only a month to make a big leap too. Difference is, I had a family to consider as well.

He let my friends and family all know that he would do the following…

Look after her I will, my soul mate she is! Thanks to the Gods we found each other!

And telling me on a public forum…

I love you babe, Oh, just so people know… we now have matching commitment rings on our fingers….. I don’t care that some people think it’s too soon, childish or whatever, I love Tammie so much, I’ve never met anyone who loves me so much, I am content.

And me replying with 

Ooooooh you’re soooo sweet, unafraid of what people think about you, sensitive and romantic yet intense and masculine, incredibly sensual and a really daft sense of humour.

You see, I was taken in at first too. But later I was hiding what was really going on, the fights, etc.

He started to blame me for not letting him see friends as I apparently didn’t trust him. I did back then, I just did not trust them, some of those Beltaine performers were a little too touchy-feely for my liking… Anyway, I didn’t lock him in the house when I went to work, and he was quite happy for me to work (back in 2007/2008) 20 hours a week on top of doing self -employed gardening, which was what, two or three times a week, while he looked after my kids - in fact, he INSISTED I was the one to go looking for work.

And do you really think it was fair to drag a 7 year old around a city between 9pm and 12am just so he could go and play with fire with other firey people? He thought it was. I didn’t. That is why I refused to go with him, as my daughter would be cold and tired and mr woeisme would always be telling her off… she was bored. And cold. Just a child. He did not want to go on his own, therefore I was stopping him from seeing his friends? what, I had to hold his hand all the bloody time? Actually yes, it seemed so.

And so, after two years of his aggression, having to lie to the social services that he’d only spanked my eldest a few times after my own Mother called them out on us after viewing, while we were down there, how aggressively he treated my daughters, shouting at them to obey and stuff while I was out of the room; his tantrums, his jealousy, his paranoia when I was at work, his pathetic attention-seeking mock suicide bids, calling my daughters names, taking on the role of father to the extent that he believed his words and actions were higher than mine in ranking - over my own flesh and blood, the vile words he would call me, in front of my children, the fights which became physical to the point I was pushing him out of the front door and he wouldn’t leave… well, I decided to take my mind of Him and flirt with one of the guys at work over the course of about a fortnight.

Little did I know, that this guy would eventually lock me in a cupboard for 25 minutes with him in June 2008. Yes, I let him touch me. But when he demanded more, as in oral or penetration, I told him no and to unlock the door. I begged him, and he pushed me back into a chair and would not let me get up until I swore I would scream until someone broke down the door. I wasn’t going to lose my job over that loser.

And so I decided to pretend the whole thing did not happen. I only spoke to the guy when absolutely neccessary and he accepted the fact that I did not like him that much.

I did not tell anyone. Why would I? I fucked up quite badly on my part, but I had a rude awakening and it saw me straight. It could have been cold feet over getting married (which was set for the 1st August 2008) or it could have been the fact that the other guy, at first, treated me nicer than the guy I was with.

It didn’t matter because during the night of one of our grove’s moots, July 28th I think, he drove one of the attendees, a foreign Czech bird called Katerina back to her flat, who coincidentally was also a member the Beltaine Fire Society, as he was. He did not return for two hours, causing me to panic and tell his mum he was missing, only for me to be told off by everyone for over reacting. And the next morning, him declaring it was over and proceeded to spend the rest of the day on the phone to her, her funnily also having broken up with her boyfriend that morning.

So when he failed to return from a “drive” a few days later, then messaging me he wasn’t coming home that evening and me, leaving message after message, I finally got him on the other end of the phone. He told me they’d already had sex - twice. I wailed down the phone. How callous must you be to tell someone that? Someone who is obviously still deeply in love and is overlooking the fact that her fiancé is a total cunt to her and her children?

Me being distraught, not knowing if he was coming home, turned to that cupboard guy at work. Unfortunately for me, they both decided to come. He came in about 2:30am, had a go at me for being an over emotional and wen’t to sleep on the sofa, obviously knackered from shagging the other bird, and cupboard guy arrived about 20 minutes later.

I only wanted someone to hold me as I wept, but the guy pestered me for sex and this time I let him. Cupboard guy then left for work about 5am ish and I let him out, only to recieve a text from the lounge enquiring what I was doing outside at 5am. I replied that I was letting some guy out.

This enraged him so much. He angry at me for having sex with someone when we were technically on a break and he’d already screwed someone at least twice? How does that work? I then told him, when he asked later in the day how I knew him. I broke down and told him the cupboard incident. He apparently understood why I let it go so far but insisted he wouldn’t trust me again for a long time… (who should be trusting who here? He had sex with someone else first!!!)

What really pissed me off though, was he was with her on our supposed wedding day, Lughnassadh 2008.

And so, as she wouldn’t leave him alone, I decided to show her his cold callous side, telling her he was still having relations with me while having them with her - which he was - that made her spend time with someone else, and I had to console him over her!!!! Messed up? Indeed!

Things were never really the same after that. I forgave him, not just over that girl, but over everything he’d ever done to me that made me feel unworthy of being alive. He found it so hard to forgive me, and his pride never truly did. I’m always going to be the demon that his demons hide behind.

You should beware. I was warned about him yet I chose to ignore it.

SB came back up to Scotland on 3rd May for the court case, in which he eventually plead guilty to assault on 10th Dec 2010. He was pleading not guilty and had a court order keeping him from getting in contact with me because social services wanted to protect my children from his violence. I waited to be called from the witness room to give evidence on the happenings of 10th of December.

The prosecutor pulled me aside wanting to confirm I was still willing to give evidence and that I hadn’t forgotten anything. I said I was sure I wanted to go ahead with it.

He choked me, threw me around the room and thumped me so hard on the back of my neck I nearly passed out.

So I sat back down with my cross stitch and my new man, who is my rock; and waited to be called again. Just before lunch, I was told by a court official (with a really bad stammer poor thing) that he’d changed he plea from not guilty, to guilty and that I was free to go. It took the poor wee dab ages to say this to me, but when the receptionist asked him a question, he replied fluidly! Am I that intimidating? lol

A few people I have spoken to have told me that SB had told them what had happened without remorse. Why didn’t I listen to other people’s advice from years ago? He turned into a violent, controlling, paranoid, angry person, who blamed everything on either me, my kids, or his aspergers. It was never because he couldn’t handle situations.

“Firstly, you are not going mad and you are not being unreasonable. Quite the contrary! You are a kind, loving, intelligent and very forgiving woman to have lived with him for so long!
SB is the one who has a problem with the majority of the community. His brain is differently wired and there is nothing that you can do about this. You can try your best to be flexible and work around his “foibles” but ultimately, you will be the one who has to run everything, support him AND pay all the bills etc. for the rest of the duration of the relationship.“

Another mutual friend said:

“If he is stressed out then that is his issue that he has to deal with as he is the only one who can make that change. Having no money does suck though but is no excuse to take it out on the person you are supposed to care for. I know it is none of my business but he sounds like a dick with no real focus on the important things in life and has to get off his ass to change.“

Unfortunately, I will always have feelings of dislike for him. Any feelings of love I did have for him died recently. I know when he tells people about me and our time together that he exaggerates and stretches the truth. If he didn’t like me at the start then why did he propose to me? I think what still annoys me the most is the fact that he would tell me one thing and other people another, making me out to be a liar and I hate that. I know I should just ignore the pettiness but it makes me look bad.

I’m just glad he got arrested when he did. He also broke his bail conditions in contacting me and unfortunately I no longer have the phone with those texts on. He would have been charged straight away if the court found out about that one. Still, I know the real reason he plead guilty in the end, because if I had got up there and given a character reference, he knows I would have told the truth and my words of conviction would be his death sentence.

Yes, I am still very bitter, but I am working at it.

SB gets what SB wants, no matter who suffers. I remember him and the yew berry episode. Oh dear gods. And poor Gypsy had to watch the whole thing. I think Gypsy’s one of the few people who saw him for what he truly was. His empty suicide bids… *sigh* – we all know he hasn’t got the balls to do it. He loves himself too much and his ego would never allow it.

He may protest that he’s not afraid of death and that he’s this strong mysterious Druid type, but he’s not. I mean really. Running off to the bedroom to lay on the bed curled up in a pout because of something someone said or did on an online multiplayer game is something a 12 yr old would do.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that it is over. My mum actually told me that he seemed violent years ago. I laughed at her and told her not to be silly. Boy, was I wrong.

Oh and the £120 fine he received was for court costs only. That was not justice.

Over the last few days, his statuses have been “she” this and “she” that. He is wanting my attention. He gets it as well, but not once have I mentioned his name (I don’t think) in a self pitiful status. I mention how I feel, or I write an impromptu poem, but I never mention his name.

I see people he hardly knows himself, attempting to console him, but with him it is like he wants people to pity him with his woe is me thing – you know what I’m talking about. I know he misses me, loves me, I cry myself to sleep most nights because of the loneliness, but I have to be brutal. once it’s over, it’s over in my book. it always has been. I cannot take him back, because there will be a slim chance that rage he has will take control and I never ever want to be in a position where I resent my partner ever again. Anyone who’s treated me badly can get as many chances as I see fit.

Every other text the week before me and SB broke up was “I’ve had enough” and “I can’t do this”. Every fight we’ve had I’ve screamed at him to get out of my house because it is my house.

I’ve had to put up with insinuations, allegations, jealousy, bigotry. He’d try to restrain me when I wasn’t even going to hit him, just “in case” I did. And I do not like being restrained. He has seen my rage before. He has seen my unwavering strength. He ran into the bathroom with a knife once, pulling an attention seeking non threatening and quite frankly badly executed cry for help mock suicide bid. I took the knife off him and told him:
“If you’re gonna cut yourself, cut yourself properly!” and I cut up my arm in front of him, to call his bluff. It worked, but then he decided to assume I needed medical help! All I did was show him who had the bigger balls as my pain threshold is way higher than his. I wanted to show him that his melodramatic fake suicide bid wasn’t gonna make me mollycoddle him. That is what his mum is for, and I don’t want to be his mum for him.

SB broke it off with me in August 2008 to go fuck some young foreign girl who I let into my house, seeing the attraction between them, let him drive her home, and him with his phone off for two hours. He told me he had a panic attack. I can’t believe that story. he broke up with me the next day and spent the afternoon on the phone to this girl, her saying she’d funnily enough broken up with her boyfriend too. handy that.

He texted me to tell me a few days later he was not coming home. I called and called and when he finally answered, he said they’d already had sex twice. Eventually he came home after me howling down the phone at him. I then got back into contact with that guy who was interested in me at work, hoping to have at least someone to stop my uncontrollable sobbing. The guy came, and SB was asleep on the sofa. He heard nothing. after the guy pestered me I let him have sex with me, but it was the comfort I wanted more. He left early in the morning, and SB heard the door close. He asked if I was throwing his stuff in the bin or keying his car and I replied no, I was letting out some guy. To me, it was payback.

It got to the stage where it broke and he was trying too hard to fix it at one stage, and completely out-of-order other times. He doesn’t like being told when he or his actions are wrong.

Looking back over the last four years, it has been so bumpy. He taught me how to fight back, unfortunately the only person who was the one opposing me, was him. He became stuck in a rut, jealous, and indeed aggressive. We both clashed in such a way it caused tsunami’s. But when we were on the same level, it was like a calm, secret pool.

We stressed out over finances because, well, I paid for mostly everything, and he was always wanting the next gadget, book, piece of clothing. I bought him a new jacket before I bought my daughters one, because he moaned about it for ages. As a mother, I see that was wrong, but I did so to see if it made him happier, but what it did was make me resent the fact he became more of a focus than my own children.

Trying to keep him happy was a draining journey. It was too much work and eventually I gave up. I hated myself for resenting him so much, I wanted space away from him, and that was when my depression settled in comfortably, knowing I could not do anything more for him. As his temper grew, so did my resentment.

I get nightmares of that afternoon. He went for my mobile, jealous that I’d been texting mates, when I tried to get it off him, he went for my throat, pulling away quickly realising that was out-of-order. But for me, that was it. I tried reaching for the house phone, and he caught me in a headlock, causing me to bite my tongue. I got free and went after my mobile again, determined to call someone for help, I got it after biting his hand, then along came another headlock and I was pushed face down onto the couch. He struck three blows just below the back of my neck, all the while he was on the phone to his mum telling her I should get sectioned because I’m crazy… That is not the guy I fell in love with. I don’t know who that was but it scared me to death.

Everyone has baggage, I guess we hadn’t handled ours properly before we got together. It was an aggressive relationship, it just had too much passion. A few people I have spoken to have told me that he told them what had happened without remorse. He turned into a violent, controlling, paranoid, angry person, who blamed everything on either me, my kids, or his Aspergers. It was never because he couldn’t handle situations. He choked me, threw me around the room hand thumped me so hard on the back of my neck I nearly passed out, while on the phone to his mum telling her I needed mental help!!!

I called the police, but for some strange reason so did he. This was the only fight we’ve had that I didn’t fight back. I just wanted my phone back. The police came, and took him away for the weekend. He was left out on bail, under the condition that he made no contact before the trial in May.